I took a juicy course this past weekend called “Love Yourself and the Rest Will Follow” given by speakers and authors that I deeply respect, Mike Robbins and Karen Drucker. Besides just knowing that it would be a worthwhile and uplifting experience to spend time with this talented and wonderful duo, my personal goal was to learn a few new techniques in order to do something I am already quite good at—loving and respecting myself in order to do my work in the world in the best possible way. Professional development, personal development and life-long learning, these are some of my greatest interests. Mike and Karen surpassed my expectations with so many “keepers.” They combined song and story and exercises in a masterful way.
One of the exercises that challenged people and forced them to stretch was sharing with a partner the many voices of their self-critic. That was followed by an exchange of all the parts of themselves they see in a positive light, including what they loved and honored and what brought them joy. These exercises were difficult for many people, including a friend I was with, which surprised me. I have had so many classes and done so much personal growth work over the years that I had no trouble with this exercise. What I loved however was learning new ways to think about self-love and self-care, the critical voice and our relationship to it. Karen named her critical voice Zelda. I used to call mine “The Man with the Whip” until I retired him a few years ago for lack of interest (mine). Mike thinks of his as three guys in a back room and they are called Ego, Cynic and Martyr. Mike visits these guys during quiet times and after a short while he realizes they only have a few things to say, nothing true and nothing creative. Eventually he says they kick him out of the back room so they can go back to drinking beer and sitting on the couch watching TV while he goes on with his rich wonderful life without being run by their input.
While there were many moments of insight and excellent guided meditations my favorite “keeper” came from Mike, who learned it from one of his teachers. As in all profound wisdom, the simplicity is staggering.
Be easily impressed
Be hard to offend
Wow what a brilliant philosophy to live by.
Be easily impressed
In our business and personal lives, it’s important to maintain a sense of curiosity and wonder and to be inspired by the gifts all around us. Even more important is to let go of the thoughts, “I’ve been around the block,” “I‘ve seen it all,” “Show me what you got” and “What can you do to impress me?”
What a paradigm shift! I think I have always had this kind of attitude, but I can always be more conscious and get better at it, especially in my consulting practice and travel experiences. The statement that always brings a smile to my face is, “Been there, done that.” Every time I cross the Golden Gate Bridge and take in the splendor of that particular view I gasp in awe and appreciation. I have been doing that drive for 29 years. When I used to take the cable car to my hotel concierge job at the Grand Hyatt San Francisco, I used to watch people reading a magazine and think, “Geez, you are missing the magic of the moment. Where else can you take a cable car to work?”
Just last week I spent time touring San Francisco with a friend and her daughter. They had just moved to California from Manhattan. During the visit, someone asked the daughter if she was upset about leaving NYC. She said she grew up there and had “Done everything.” I actually cried about it later, because in a hundred lifetimes one could not do everything in Manhattan. She is 19.
Be Hard To Offend
If someone tells us we have green hair, and we obviously do not have green hair, we think “No I don’t” and the statement has no emotional charge for us. However, if someone says something to us that perhaps deep down we believe to be true— like we are rude or selfish, or not doing enough good work, or aren’t eco-conscious enough—it may strike a chord. If the comment begins to ring true, I encourage you to be vigilant and look within and see where you may have self-doubt or self-hatred around that particular issue. It is a reminder to live the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If we are hard to offend our relationships will prosper and our lives will be filled with ease instead of struggle.
Both of these philosophies—being easily impressed and hard to offend—are actually measureable. Whenever you find yourself thinking, “Show me,” “I’ve seen it all,” or find yourself feeling offended, think of this simple and profound technique and give yourself a re-frame. Thank you Mike and Karen for this wonderful life lesson.
Mike and Karen are both good friends with a woman named SARK. They suggested that we all watch her TedX presentation, “Succulence is Powerful.” I did, and suggest you all do too. It is a wonderful, powerful and dare I say succulent message.