There is an old adage that keeps reappearing in my life and work, “We teach what we need to learn.” I imagine it follows me like a shadow because what I teach involves personal development and life-long learning and the fact that I am so open to learning the lessons I teach.
Most of the simple effective lessons that I incorporate in my trainings are based on my seminal work, The Neon Signs Of Service. One of my favorite topics, that requires learning and re-learning because it is so difficult to master, is called “Being Right Is The Booby Prize.” This exercise involves becoming aware of the times when we would rather be right instead of serving a customer’s needs or doing what it takes to be happy. Being right is an enormous human imperative that often clouds our perspective on a situation. I often find myself remembering this simple but definitely not easy lesson. It rears its head constantly, and when I am present enough to notice what is really happening, I can apply this wisdom and head off problems.
I recently found myself insisting on being right while coordinating a family event that involved communicating via e-mail with family members scattered throughout the United States. My whole family is on e-mail except for my sister Audee. Her choice not to be on e-mail found me reacting with strong annoyance. So strong was my annoyance with her that I decided she relinquished any possibility to offer input on choices I was making. In other words, she lost her right to vote.
Over time, I watched myself get more and more angry and started to listen to my own rants about Audee. I convinced myself that she was being selfish and rude by making us communicate with her differently and that she should just get in the human race and live in the same century as the rest of us. You get the drift. That was when the Neon Sign, “Being Right Is The Booby Prize,” began to flash in my head. I realized immediately that all my concerns were about me being right and she being wrong. It didn’t matter who was right or wrong. She is my precious, generous, kind and loving sister who by the way just doesn’t do e-mail. My attitude had the potential to damage our relationship. Instead of continuing down the “being right” path, I picked up the phone and told her what I was thinking, how I was feeling and asked her what she thought I should do. She immediately said, “You have my permission to be my proxy.” We laughed and the whole thing was immediately over.
Can you think of a time where you had to be right and it caused problems for you? Please share your examples with me. I actually do this exercise in my classes. I help people to see where they blew it because they had to be right and help them to see how they might handle situations differently in the future.
Interested in learning more about the Neon Signs of Service?
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