Listening is becoming a lost art. We live in an increasingly noisy world of competing sound bites, our attention flitting restlessly from one message to the next. We’re also becoming a society of “text messagers”—exchanging written and often cryptic sound bites communicated in a vacuum; that is, it is devoid of body language and voice tone, with facial expressions restricted to : ) and : ( .
In my customer service workshops, I talk about listening as a gift of generosity: The selfless act of giving your time, attention and understanding, without expecting anything in return. Conscious or thoughtful listening involves devoting your full attention to another, disregarding any interference from your environment and even more importantly, from the chatter in your head. This requires discipline, practice and a willingness to give of yourself fully.
Listening is a requisite for providing excellent customer service—focusing on the customer or client at hand and resisting the inclination to be distracted by the activity surrounding us. We also need to put aside the distractions in our busy inner worlds such as, bias, judgment, assumption, impatience, monotony, our own agendas or any issues we might be going through in our personal lives.
It’s more than simply “lending an ear.” The gift of truly listening enables us not only to process the spoken word, but also sense the quieter, subtler, more understated and unspoken messages. We can take in, appreciate and summarize all the information, then ask any necessary questions to help ensure we fully understand. We’re able to get a sense of the attitudes and feelings of the other person and respond in a way that’s most appropriate. The other person then feels acknowledged and understood.
Yes, this can be a challenge in hectic environments; however, it’s an integral component of communication, which can make or break an encounter. I encourage you to give it a try. Consciously practice active listening both at your workplace and in your home. You might think that extending the gift to family and friends is easier, but keep in mind the challenge of familiarity—namely putting aside your preconceived notions of what you think they’re saying and what you assume it means.
While “generosity” is typically defined as giving without expecting rewards in return, we almost always receive at least one when we actively listen: The deep satisfaction of having truly connected with another human being. Moreover, you might even learn something! To quote journalist, Doug Larson:
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening, when you’d have preferred to talk.